Monday, March 24, 2014

The Idiot PHP Developer's Creed

I am a PHP Developer and this is my creed.

PHP is the best programming language, ever. 
I don't need no framework or library, my native code is light and fast.
I can code anywhere, as long as it works, it is correct.
I don't need OOP,  best practices, design patterns, software architecture and all that crap. They slow me down.
I rate myself 9 out of 10 because I memorised most of the native functions or pretend to be.
I rate myself 10 out of 10 because I can build a shopping cart website within 3 days or because of whatever. 
I prefer the use of arrays because they are better than objects.
I believe project managers, business analysts and QA are useless.
I don't have to test my work, somebody else should.
I don't have to look at the error logs, my code is perfect.
I copy-paste code that the first page of my Google search results which seems cool and working.
I don't need to understand what I copy-pasted.
I claim the copy-pasted code as my own and grin with pride.
If my code CANNOT be understood, then I am super awesome.
The hardest thing I did is to build a website using WordPress.
I don't need Math, Statistics, Science, or Business to level up in my field. I can do anything with PHP.
I develop PHP using WAMP and use a Windows-based IDE while production deployment is in Linux/Unix.
I use get_browser() function to detect user agent.
I use static methods, globals, constants every chance I get. 
I only need if-then-else to implement logic and algorithm. The longer, the better. I love spaghetti.
I loop through an external resource call.
It takes an FTP uploader to deploy my code.
I have hardcoded stuff everywhere.
I don't need to document my code or put doc blocks for that matter. It takes away precious development time.

(to be continued)
  • Related Links Widget for Blogspot

No comments: